Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The GRE is My Life

So, I take the GRE on Wednesday. It current is the all consuming event in my life. I have been taking practice test after practice test at coffeehouses all over Madison. I just want it to be over! Its one of those painful requirements that probably won't end up meaning to much since I don't think I am going to perform well enough for it to really help me. I just keep praying and praying that God will give me the wisdom and focus to do well.

I have had a few really focused days of studying, so that is a great thing. And I have had the opportunity to check out lots of different coffeehouses in the past few weeks. Anyway, I hope to be having some fun on Wednesday in some form, either to cheer me up cause I bombed or to celebrate that it's all over.

AND I have this weekend to look forward to. After an absence of 6 months, Minneapolis will be graced with my presence this weekend. Leah, Mom and I are heading up for a Steven Curtis Chapman/Mercy Me Christmas concert. Yay! I am so happy I'll be seeing so many people I love this weekend. Plus, there is so much fun Christmas stuff in MN.

Wish me luck on my test!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Upcoming

So, evidently frolicking in the snow is not a good idea when you are not used to the cold weather. I was supposed to go to Minneapolis this past weekend, see some friends, lift my heart a little. Instead, I ended up at home trying to prevent myself from becoming more sick than I already was. As of now, I still have the sniffles, but my head-cold seems to be going away. I guess my body is not going to take the winter well, it adjusted too nicely to India.

In other news, the GRE is in just 9 days. I am very nervous, not just about the test but about what it means for my applications and my future. I know, its just a test, and I have absolute faith that whatever school God wants me in is where I will be. I just hope that its not Madison.

For so long I thought my future was going to be in this city. I looked forward to living here after I got back from India, going to school here and being with my family. But now I see I need more independence from that. My family is great, but I think that we all operate best if we don't see each other everyday, all the time. And I don't like that I am so close to Point, and that I seemingly could run into anyone from high school at any moment that I would be on State St.

It's just hard to be here, and every moment that I AM here I remember why I left this state and went to school in Minnesota! Here's hoping for grad school...

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

it's snowing!

Yay! My joy cannot be compared! I may seem like a complete dork because I am so excited about a little snow, but you must remember that I haven't seen snow for over a year.

So, here I am frolicking in the white stuff.

Frolicking

 
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everybody's getting married!

So, I went to the opera on Sunday (to see Tosca, which was good but not great) and ran into two guys I went to high school with. One of them is getting married, which is great. I got home, checked my email and I found out ANOTHER one of my friends from high school is getting married next month when a girl I knew from youth group in high school is ALSO getting married.

Yesterday, I called a friend and Minneapolis and she told me one of our friends there is close to getting engaged. Then, I was on myspace looking at a friends page, and he had pictures of him and his adorable wife up from their honeymoon. WIFE! It seems like such an adult word for someone who is 22!

Combine this with all the marriage/relationship news that I have been hearing updates on since I came back from India, and its just all overwhelming. Its seems crazy to me, but then again maybe that's because I am a tad jealous. Who doesn't want to have that great of a relationship in their life, where you can look at a person and KNOW that you want them to be there with you every step of the way. It's a great deal, and I am happy so many people that I love and care about are on their way to the altar. I just wish my turn was coming soon too...

Song of the Day: How about me? -Ella Fitzgerald

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Long Time...

It's been a while since I posted, and right now this is more for therapeutic reasons than anything else. Life is tough for me right now, harder than its been for a while. I have everything to look forward to, but I am legitimately scared that my dreams won't come true and that I will be a failure to myself. What's worse is that I fear that these fears are truly crippling me, and instead of having hard times make me stronger that it will break me and I will never be the same.

I know that my life is going to be more than making coffee, and I want it to be that, but I don't know what the next step is, or how to take it. What if grad school doesn't work out? What if I NEVER find a job? What if no one loves me again? What if this is all there will ever be to my life?

Those are the truly scary things, the ones that keep me awake at night.