Tuesday, December 27, 2005

last day

There have been more than a few moments in my life where I have felt a little like Rachel from "Friends", and today is one of them. When she finally moves on from her coffee shop job to her first "real" job in fashion, she turns to everyone in the coffee room on her last day and says, "I will never have to serve coffee again!". That’s the way I feel. Today is my last day as a coffee room grunt and even though I have enjoyed the clients and the divine smell of Ancora everyday, I will be happy when I leave this place.

Here's to moving on to bigger and better things!

Monday, December 26, 2005

christmastime

My Christmas was pretty quiet. The whole holiday season was pretty quiet, actually. It's this time of year where I miss singing in choir the most; I loved participating in concerts and singing Christmas songs. I adore Christmas music. This year I walked around the house telling everyone every other day about my memories of standing behind my mom and she played the piano, and I would belt out every Christmas carol in my children's music book. I knew so many Christmas songs as a child that I amazed even my music teacher during a holiday-edition of "Name that Tune" in elementary school. Some of the songs I knew after only an interval, and his jaw dropped to the floor a few times.

Living at home definitely takes away some of the festive feeling of Christmas. Part of what makes this time of year so special is that people all over the world take time out of their lives to go home and hang out with their family. It is definitely not something I cherish as much when I see them everyday. It seems like it's just another Sunday with the fam, except I get presents and a big meal.

The other thing that makes me sad is that I missed out on so much of the arts scene this season. When I was in Minneapolis I would try to catch the Messiah at the St. Paul Cathedral, or go see the Christmas Carol at the Guthrie (I will never see it anywhere else. The Guthrie's is the best!). Madison has none of that stuff. They had the Nutcracker playing at the Overture center downtown, but the timing was bad and I wouldn't really want to sit through a ballet with a bunch of squirmy kindergartners anyway.

On the moving/job front, I think my future roommate in Maryland may have found us a place to live. It sounds perfect, and has great features, and is within walking distance of work, cafe's, restaurants, and a great shopping market where I can get anything I want (or so I'm told). It really is amazing to see how God is pulling this all together, and it's so clear that I should be going there. It's nice to know what His path is for me, I have been wandering so much that to have direction feels so liberating.

Friday, December 23, 2005

baltimore

I got the job! I got the job! Baltimore, here I come.

They called on Monday morning and said they wanted me to work for them. I was (and still am) on a high, cloud nine. Eventually that day, the high wore off and I began to worry about logistics. They want me to start on the 4th, and while I am very excited, I worry about all the work that will go into moving. I need a place to live, a phone.

Anyway, on Tuesday I got an email from a girl who works at the organization who said that she needed a roommate. I am ecstatic! She is from the Baltimore area, and has been looking for places for us to live. It is such a blessing to have things working out the way they are.

It has been a very long time since I have felt so directly affected by God's hand. I'm a planner, always have been. But this experience, and many others I have had over the past few months, have shown me that I don't need a plan, because He has one. Even though I have been extremely restless here, with my job and my life and my questioning if grad school was the right track, I have always had peace that I was supposed to wait it out. And I have, and this comes along.

Maybe we have times of stillness in our lives so that it is drastically evident when God intervenes. It is so clear and obvious to me that this is the direction I should be going, and I know that largely because of the aimless way I have been living my life the past 6 months.

Yay!

Friday, December 16, 2005

happenings

Sorry I couldn’t write more info sooner, but this week flew by so quickly.

The most exciting thing going on with me right now is that I have a potential job opportunity in Baltimore. I had a first interview on Monday with some people from the Disaster Response department. It went pretty well, and I was happy with what they wanted to know from me. They requested a writing sample from me, and when I emailed it to them they responded by saying they wanted a second interview.

That took place this morning. The two people who interviewed me were very nice and I felt they asked good questions of me. I responded to them as truthfully, honestly and articulately as I could, and I feel that I did the best I can do. It has placed both hope and anxiety in my heart, and I don’t know what I should feel about it all. I want to get this job, I want to move out east, and I know that it would be a wonderful place for me to start working. Right now it's just about hope and prayer. Especially because the transition would happen pretty quickly and I could be out there in two or three weeks.

In other news, I finished my Berkeley application last night. I have been so distracted with what has been going on with this job that I have not been able to concentrate on my essays. I did them as best as I could considering what else has been going on with my life, and we’ll see what they say.

I don’t know what to think, and I don’t know what God is trying to do in my life. The more I think about getting this job and leaving, the more I feel like the timing is really perfect for me. Spending the holidays with my family and then moving out there would be a great way to start the year. I would not have to waste money on grad school applications if I get the job now. I don’t know where God’s plan lies, but I hope that it is in Baltimore.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

interview

Ok, everybody. Please send prayers and positive thoughts to me over the weekend. I have a job interview on Monday morning, and lets hope what is supposed to happen, happens.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

my crazed existence

I have no idea what God is trying to teach me, or where He is trying to point me to.

I underperformed on the GRE. It was not a good result, and I am not happy with my scores. I've registered to take the test over again, and I am not excited about it. I received some more of my recommendations in the mail today, and my Hindi teacher wrote a really encouraging note for me that made me feel (AGAIN) like I really want to go to grad school.

But then, there is this other thing. I have a job interview Monday morning with a development organization in Baltimore. Its a big deal, and would be a great experience. If I get the job, I feel like it is what I am supposed to do. There is no way I can stay in Wisconsin and KNOW that there was a job for me in the field I want to work in that I turned down. It would make my already fairly miserable existence here barely survivable.

I don't know what to think about it all, and I am fairly apathetic about it. I have been feeling more and more lately like I am just along for the ride, and that I am not steering my life at all. This is probably a good thing, because I have been trying to let go of my pre-conceived ideas about what I want my life to be, and what I want to do. I have always had expectations, and I need to learn to let them go. I need to remember that it is not my life, and that God has a purpose and a plan for me that I have not been clued into. And I shouldn't be...because how would I learn to trust Him if I knew what the next step would be.

This is one of the reasons that I have felt lately that if I get this job in Baltimore I would take it. Because this is happening in God's timing, not mine; and it scares me.