India Continues

Hello everyone! I know its been almost a month since I wrote last, and I would love to say that it is because I am too busy to write, but that is simply not true. I just haven't been in the mood everytime I sat down at an internet café to write about all that is going on.

This past month I have been doing small village excursions with Prayas, seeing Christine as much as possible in Udaipur, attending a wedding for 5 days with my Chittor family that is easily one of the highlights of my time in India, and going to Jaipur for a brief meeting on women's health status here. It may sound like I have been busy, but the truth is too many of my days do not have enough activity to keep me distracted and happy, and so I end up daydreaming A LOT about home and going home and food at home and family at home and friends at home. It has made this month really hard for me.

Most of the time I spend at the Prayas office involves talking with Pallavi and Anjali, and also reading. I have read soo much while I have been here that I will have a whole new library when I come home full of books I am sure Leah and Mom will want to borrow. Recently, I have received mail-which is exciting both for my family and me. They love getting letters from America delivered to their house and I love getting mail. The real old fashioned kind. The letters have been really encouraging.

On Sunday I got back from spending 4 days in Mungana where there is a Prayas field office. I spent the time zooming around on a motorbike with two other people, the dupatta on my salwar suit flying in the wind. The first day it was fun to see the look on people's faces when I went by. I am sure it's extremely strange to see someone so white and foreign in the villages. But by the second day I had become painfully aware of just how white I am, and the fun wore off and made me feel so much of the exhaustion of being different. I can't wait to come home and be normal, be allowed to be myself. So much of my time here has been spent worrying about EVERYTHING. Trying to avoid advances by men, spending most of my time staring at the ground as I walk around. Before I came here I had a lot of arguments with my mom about how I didn't think Indian women were oppressed, but I don't think those fights will have the same vigour anymore since I feel oppressed here. I long for the liberty to stay out past dark, to have my car and my friends, to be whoever I want to be and have it be ok.

Both men and women here are oppressed in different ways though. Both sexes are confined to the traditional nature of life, and there is just as much pressure on men to retain traditional practices and beliefs as there is on women. In fact, in some ways the male pressure is worse because they are the leaders of the family, they are the ones who are supposed to lead the next generation and teach their sons the same thing. For both men and women to rebel to the traditional system can in some ways be equally difficult.

With my family in Chittor I have seen an interesting combination of tradition and modern thinking. The Grandfather in the joint family told me the other day of his disappointment not to have a daughter (he has two sons-Piyush and his brother). You can see his joy in his special relationship with Shubhi, his granddaughter. He told me once he has a special place in his heart for the girl-child especially since they are so unwanted so much in this society. Even though Kavita is very traditional in her roles and homemaker, it is also due to some necessity. Her mother-in-law is disabled from a motorbike accident and has great difficulty getting around the house. If Kavita wasn't there to cook and clean and help, they would most likely have to employ someone to do that. And even though Kavita cooks and cleans, it doesn’t mean Piyush doesn't make chai or help.

With all of these subtle nuances of modernity, though, they are still very traditional. Kavita is the wife of the oldest son in her family, and so she is often very busy at family functions cooking and helping with various ceremonies. The wedding I attended was very traditional, with all the ceremonies the family should perform done and every T crossed.

It may not seem that they are very forward thinking, but they are. In a world where everyone is strictly bound to cultural ideals and gender roles, this family is progressing ever so slightly. I think, too, that change in India will only come in generations. It will be interesting to see what happens when Shubhi and Kush grow up, and what options are available to them, and what traditions they shun and uphold.