I haven’t written much recently because it seems that there isn’t a lot going on, nothing particularly remarkable or exciting. That may be because I have a very delicate balance going on between o.k. days and downright awful days. It’s odd and frustrating at the same time. God is trying to teach me something, and its bumming me out. Should it? I have no real idea.
Baltimore is really frustrating me. Once again, I feel like I am in a holding cell, waiting for the next step in my life without really enjoying where I am. That was the way it was when I got back from India, and that is the way it is now. I know that I need office experience at a NGO before I go out into the field again, but every day I get more frustrated with the cream colored walls of my cubicle. Other people are out there, changing the world and I am here hammering out financial coding and getting people’s plane tickets. Not that these are important assistant-like tasks, but I feel like I was made for so much more. My intellectual mind is not being tapped at all, and I find myself explaining my political beliefs to the wall because there is no one else to talk to.
There are a few girls here and there at work that are great, and they are people I can go out to dinner with or see a movie with. But they aren’t people I can really talk to. They don’t necessarily care about the same things as I do, or view their faith in the same way. It’s making me lethargic, and instead of encouraging me to go out and find friends (where would I find them anyway?) it just makes me want to curl up in my apartment with a book or a movie and wait out my time in Baltimore.
But I don’t feel like that is what this is supposed to be like. Everyone else at work seems happy with where they live, the churches they go to, and the life they have. I am the only one who seems to have problems with it, which makes me feel like a spoiled brat who is too stubborn to change (I don’t want to be that person and I desperately hope I am NOT that person!). It’s just frustrating that all the things I love to do, I can’t do here. Baltimore has no significant arts community, only a single coffee house in the whole city open past 9 pm on weekdays (err) and a very bad public transportation system.
I’m just bored, tired, and once again wishing that I could skip the next 6 years of my life and be comfortable in 2012 where I would hopefully have a more fulfilling life in a more fulfilling location.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
switchfoot
Switchfoot last night was great. I had so much fun! I seen them twice before; but one of the times doesn’t really count since I didn’t really SEE them, but I was there. Anyway, I had been really excited to see their opening act, a British band named Athlete. But, unfortunately, they had to return to England because of a family emergency. So Switchfoot has a few bands alternating opening for them, and last night was Mutemath. I thought they started off really well, and they have an incredible drummer who was doing great rhythmic stuff. But the end of their set was pretty weak, and I was just waiting for Switchfoot to come out.
Kirsten and I thought they would open with “Stars”, or something completely unexpected. They went for the unexpected, opening with “Shadow Proves the Sunshine” and then leading into “Stars”. I thought that they were much more personable in the small club atmosphere than they were in their big stage shows. It seemed like they were having more fun with each other than the last time, and they played around a bit more. However, the show I saw at the state fair was a better performance musically. I don’t have much to complain about though because they did all the songs I wanted them to do. I was so happy to hear “Daisy” and “Easier than Love”.
It was great to be seeing them with Kirsten, because she is just as crazy about them as me. I had always dragged Leah along with me to see them before, so having a fellow fan who knew all the words to the songs was fun. We ran into someone we knew from church who decided to hang out with us, and ended up sorta making friends with a few people just because we were jammed up against them. I went home exhausted and collapsed into bed almost immediately. I almost overslept this morning.
One other random thing: the weather here is completely bi-polar. I thought Wisconsin weather was insane, but it’s also nuts here too. On Saturday it was really cloudy, but warm, in the high 60’s, low 70’s. Sunday was beautiful, mid-70’s, sunny. Monday was cloudy and we had a Tornado watch that I freaked out about. And now today, we have had snow interspersed with clear blue sky and the temp is down to 45. Freaky!
Kirsten and I thought they would open with “Stars”, or something completely unexpected. They went for the unexpected, opening with “Shadow Proves the Sunshine” and then leading into “Stars”. I thought that they were much more personable in the small club atmosphere than they were in their big stage shows. It seemed like they were having more fun with each other than the last time, and they played around a bit more. However, the show I saw at the state fair was a better performance musically. I don’t have much to complain about though because they did all the songs I wanted them to do. I was so happy to hear “Daisy” and “Easier than Love”.
It was great to be seeing them with Kirsten, because she is just as crazy about them as me. I had always dragged Leah along with me to see them before, so having a fellow fan who knew all the words to the songs was fun. We ran into someone we knew from church who decided to hang out with us, and ended up sorta making friends with a few people just because we were jammed up against them. I went home exhausted and collapsed into bed almost immediately. I almost overslept this morning.
One other random thing: the weather here is completely bi-polar. I thought Wisconsin weather was insane, but it’s also nuts here too. On Saturday it was really cloudy, but warm, in the high 60’s, low 70’s. Sunday was beautiful, mid-70’s, sunny. Monday was cloudy and we had a Tornado watch that I freaked out about. And now today, we have had snow interspersed with clear blue sky and the temp is down to 45. Freaky!
Monday, April 03, 2006
irrational
I have an irrational fear of several natural phenomena, namely tornadoes and fire. And because I have a fear of these two things, I am scared of anything that would cause these two things to happen, especially thunderstorms. Anyone who knows me well knows how deep my panic can be when a stormed brewed up, so you can imagine how I felt at the end of the day today when our intern told me we were under a tornado watch.
I instantly panicked and quickly became extremely fearful. What do you do if there is a tornado and you live in the 15th floor of a 26 floor building? Is it better to stay in the middle, or should you go to the ground floor where if the building toppled over you would be crushed? Needless to say, I am sure my irrational panic over the slight chance that I would be in a tornado instilled great confidence in my ability to compose myself should a great disaster occur and the Disaster Response unit of World Relief would be dispatched to the site. Maybe this is God's way of telling me I need to get over it.
It really stems from Little House on the Prairie. Yes, the harmless t.v. show (or harmFUL depending on how you look at it). I loved that show as a child and would watch it all the time. There were two significant episodes that remain ingrained in my mind: a fire that burned down the orphanage in Walnut Grove and killed two main characters, and the tornado that destroyed the Wilder house when Almanzo was gone and Laura was all alone with baby Rose. I still remember the cries of that little baby all alone in the root cellar...
Anyway, those stories have deeply impacted me, and now I have irrational fears. I don't think Michael Landon would be happy about that.
In other news, I see Switchfoot tomorrow! I'm so excited...can't wait!
I instantly panicked and quickly became extremely fearful. What do you do if there is a tornado and you live in the 15th floor of a 26 floor building? Is it better to stay in the middle, or should you go to the ground floor where if the building toppled over you would be crushed? Needless to say, I am sure my irrational panic over the slight chance that I would be in a tornado instilled great confidence in my ability to compose myself should a great disaster occur and the Disaster Response unit of World Relief would be dispatched to the site. Maybe this is God's way of telling me I need to get over it.
It really stems from Little House on the Prairie. Yes, the harmless t.v. show (or harmFUL depending on how you look at it). I loved that show as a child and would watch it all the time. There were two significant episodes that remain ingrained in my mind: a fire that burned down the orphanage in Walnut Grove and killed two main characters, and the tornado that destroyed the Wilder house when Almanzo was gone and Laura was all alone with baby Rose. I still remember the cries of that little baby all alone in the root cellar...
Anyway, those stories have deeply impacted me, and now I have irrational fears. I don't think Michael Landon would be happy about that.
In other news, I see Switchfoot tomorrow! I'm so excited...can't wait!
cherry blossoms
I was lucky enough to convince a few of the girls here to go down to DC on Saturday to see the cherry blossoms in full bloom. They were so pretty! It was such fun to walk around and enjoy them while watching everyone else walking around and enjoying them. DC is the greatest people watching place I have ever been to, outside of an airport that is. There were so many interesting people hanging out by the tidal basin, it was fun to watch and participate.
I must say, though, that I was really disappointed in some of the events. There was a cultural stage at the Jefferson Memorial and I was hoping it would mean attending a Japanese performance of some kind, but it was pop bands and stuff. Not that fun.
We spent the afternoon at the American History Museum. It was great, exploring the history of the presidency and pop culture. In these museums it becomes really obvious just how young our country really is. When I have gone to museums in Europe they have artifacts that are truly ancient, and American history is extremely young in comparison.
On Sunday I was a victim of daylight savings time. I thought my phone would automatically adjust to the time change, but I was wrong. I felt very insecure about what the time was all day! The weather was really nice out, and instead of staying inside I wandered around for a while. I haven’t had too many opportunities to do that since I have moved here, because the weather has been cold or windy. I haven’t been in the mood to wander aimlessly, but I enjoyed not having a plan and getting lost (a little).
It’s strange with me. Sometimes when I am alone, I don’t want to be alone and then being alone is not fun. But other times, like on Sunday, I like to be alone with my thoughts and not be with another person. I think that maybe spending all day on Saturday with Kirsten and Sarah did me in, and I needed some alone time.
I have wondered why I have felt so unsettled recently about being on my own. When I bummed around in India by myself I very rarely felt unhappy about it, but here all suddenly it’s like I have nothing to do because I have no one to do things with. It’s a habit I need to kick.
I must say, though, that I was really disappointed in some of the events. There was a cultural stage at the Jefferson Memorial and I was hoping it would mean attending a Japanese performance of some kind, but it was pop bands and stuff. Not that fun.
We spent the afternoon at the American History Museum. It was great, exploring the history of the presidency and pop culture. In these museums it becomes really obvious just how young our country really is. When I have gone to museums in Europe they have artifacts that are truly ancient, and American history is extremely young in comparison.
On Sunday I was a victim of daylight savings time. I thought my phone would automatically adjust to the time change, but I was wrong. I felt very insecure about what the time was all day! The weather was really nice out, and instead of staying inside I wandered around for a while. I haven’t had too many opportunities to do that since I have moved here, because the weather has been cold or windy. I haven’t been in the mood to wander aimlessly, but I enjoyed not having a plan and getting lost (a little).
It’s strange with me. Sometimes when I am alone, I don’t want to be alone and then being alone is not fun. But other times, like on Sunday, I like to be alone with my thoughts and not be with another person. I think that maybe spending all day on Saturday with Kirsten and Sarah did me in, and I needed some alone time.
I have wondered why I have felt so unsettled recently about being on my own. When I bummed around in India by myself I very rarely felt unhappy about it, but here all suddenly it’s like I have nothing to do because I have no one to do things with. It’s a habit I need to kick.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
